It is very unfortunate that some women object less to their Both were married too. "I was busy and studying. go back to the initial thesis statement ( make sure you know what the issue really was, read the answer again and if you still dont know, sit with your husband and make sure you both understand what the question and answer were talking about. 1. to grant you what is desired by you Husbands are supposed to be the head of a family, being head of the family doesnt just mean passing commandments. Maybe he should bathe regularly, groom himself well, put on clean bed clothes, not treat her with contempt and be a thoughtful sex partner. Hi,I came across this when googling about Islamic views on male fantasies.I have been married for the last 8 years and realised my husband not only think about other women (which you seem to agree that most men do,well most straight men at least) but what is recommended that I do should I realise that not only does my husband think about other women,he thinks about having sex with them as well.I find it truly disturbing and upsetting not to mention disrespectful but he seemed to be forcing me to accept this is what it really is.I am truly lost.Please advise. Okay, first of all, calm down. So my long question is, is what I am doing wrong and how can I control my desires so as to please Allah. Below is one of the verses of the Quran that explains this. In Western society it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. I read your comments and i felt very nice. Perhaps hes not the best Muslim in the world.You can nudge him to make him better. Not to insult, I didnt mean it like that. what I have noticed from the hadith When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. This is what I am afraid of. Extracting your time from office hours and taking her on a long drive would surly affect her too. But if she refuses, only then will she be punished. your husband goes ahead and takes a second wife then you have to be patient However, in most cases, when the secret is revealed, the wife never accepts the situation nor forgives the husband. do that which causes harmony to grow in the family and ward off disputes and stabbing him in the back by tearing apart his family, so that his home and We are true Sunnah Muslims Hamdullah. I started praying Istikhara that night. Really. But you decide to endure bcos of ur kids n bcos he always threaten to collect them from you. Their right to you is (obtaining) sustenance and clothing in a sensible way. This goes hand in hand with respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. where it is not clear if the matter is good or bad, and the Muslim does not A woman who cannot conceive a child doesnt have to be frigid. Men are always looking 4 sex..thats y they go to other women.so provide him a good sex.he will never ever go to any other girls, You should consult a muslim imam.in islam its is forbidden to do sex without marriage. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". why most men and yourself (a women) would just agree, and men feel superior to not even ask, if because of superiority and ego. I would remove #7 if I were the author of this article TBH. Your just Jealous!!! i used to kiss his feet,smell his pillow n shirts ,took care of his mom n welcomed his relatives.n now theres nothing but hurt n ppl tell me to 4give.HELL!!! At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures. If you are married only for treasure, then you are among the losers. quickly it ends. This is the one who is expected to be fair and just, and to fulfil duties and obligations. WELL, great job done there. Its a designated duty of the wife to comfort her husband, and protect him for indulging in something unlawful or from being distracted from his own responsibilities. yeah sure , hell like that. He phoned me a few days later telling me that his wife is having a hard time accepting it but that she is willing to meet me. Thus, you are right when you ask how can this be right if it is destroying the first family. Your husband must be open and transparent with you in this matter and realize that his decision is detrimental to his current family if he does not resolve your lack of participation. To read that title he thinks about other women and then the next one.. he wants to make you happy The first thing to do is seek sincere forgiveness from Allah because there is NO blessing in a marriage that starts off from haram. The marriage of a woman during pregnancy is also mentioned in the compilation of Islamic law and the law is allowed by weighing all its merits and mudharatnya. according to islam wat is the solution for this? It will keep him away from different kinds of sins and might also keep him from going to other woman. They also have a duty towards each other and must be . He would say his family is who give birth to him and he grow up with Im just woman he marry. As I said before its much more of a burden than a privilege. I too am deciding divorce. I mean we are woman, best to get over it. I met a Muslim man three years ago. Next time he gets ready for work button his shirt or tie his tie and tell him how handsome he looks. (second) marriage will make him more chaste and prevent him from doing My husband slept with another woman while we were separated - Husband is seeing someone else after only a few . nobody is forcing anyone luv. Below is an explanation of one of the verses of the Quran. These doubts will persist and will be a cause of anxiety for no you dont , he can married to 4 ladies you can be married to one . There is no other option. Where are the unending advices to men about the dangers of treating their wives like property, second class citizens or servants? One can imagine what would have been the percentage of polygamous marriages among the Hindus if the Indian government had made it legal for them. This pattern may be repeated when you are :(. 100355. However, if the man wants to marry after the second, Islam limits in it. take time to let him know he exists in your your own busy self assertive, high achieving life of yours; dear muslim sister. If he spends the night angry with her that means if you can convince him then he will not be angry and no angels curse you. prayer that you offered. Sorry to hear what your husband does but believe me every single Muslim husband is not same.i saa muslim husband respect thier wifes and help them when they need so please do not think negative about islam .islam is really wide about womens right if you get chance study quran or islamic book .thanks fe-aman-Allah, I am working woman, my husband is also posess good job, alhamdu lillah wealth, but since15 years iam living with my inlaws,my inlaws r very stubborn and torchering me, i am asking for seprate house but not ready . One fills in what the other lacks. He lies, so I dont really know what is going on. It does not store any personal data. Read your message and its very sad to know how this brother is treating you. 1. O ye who believe! She left her home,bears your name,married to you,people know her by your name,and till the end she would be known by your name,still you would doubt her being not loyal to you or obedient? Unbelievable!!! May the 17 Islamic rules for second marriage be useful and be an insight for anyone Muslims who wants to do polygamy. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. They avoid disagreements and quarrels and leave the wife ignorant of their second marriage as if this marriage just belongs to the man and has nothing to do with the wife. Nice comments you wrote there though, and I enjoy reading em. My only requirement will be that he treats me with kindness and he provides me separate accommodation. You may want to read about50 Akhlaq of Prophet Muhammad SAW. In the hadith of Abu Dawud below, it is narrated. I am a woman in my 30s with 1 child. Youre better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men.The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets: Does this mean hell never take a second wife if you do these three things? Please brother & sisters do not start passing judgement in haste. We can hold up our own end and run the household just as equally like men. However, he would have failed to give her own right, and fulfilling the right of a muslim is an obligation, as such, he would have committed a sin. There are some important rules that must be considered especially for husbands who want to do (married) again. Ok guys , what I have to say has almost nothing to to with the article, and I apologize.I was just wondering what should a single, unmarrigiable women do when the desires that Allah Swt have her takes over.like I am under the marrigiable age. A good wife is pressures, a husband sometime forgets what his got. I m growing alone his child( as Ive got pregnant when we broke up) and believe me it hurts more when your child grows without father. ________________________________________ I recommend you seek marriage counselling to help find a solution to your problems as this is a complicated matter for which we cant give exact advice. ALLAAH made them that way. If a man takes a second wife and he does not make this second marriage public this is not Islamic. None of us see what you have to deal with or how much effort youve put into your relationship, but Allah sees it all and hell reward you accordingly inshaAllah. So when a man asks his wife, and this is a good point, the hadith says ASKS his wife, not force it upon her, and she says no without reason, in order to get back at him, because they are fighting and she wants to teach him a lesson. Its true men think about other women, but that doesnt make it right. Does that mean I can demand a sandwich? I know what this marriages can do, my father married many wives and the out come was not good, the wives ended up hating each other and we the children did not get olong with each other. Man and women are psychologically different as well. Knowledge of these matters. Dear Paula! You did your duty in the right way, that means you passed in your test with good marks, whatever your husband did, he is accountable for that to Allah. If one partner doesnt want to be in this relation then nothing can stop that person from destroying his or her house. Wife, lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper. I think every good Muslim husband understands his wifes problem and will not be angry if wife has some problem. I agree with her. Allah commands us in the Quran to lower our gaze, which is to prevent us from having improper thoughts. lover to pray istikhaarah, because istikhaarah is only prescribed in cases Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Your husband is then forbidden from a 2nd wife unless he wants a divorce. Lve ! thats the only thing a woman cant take. Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. Is this because you dont want to get blamed for something youve said? the holy quran declares that Allah subhana allah wa taaal permits him to take up to four wives as long as he gets all the necessary protocol boxes ticked. WaAlaikumassalaam brother I completely understand what you are saying but number 4 is nothing to do with Islam. Women indeed isnt something sex slave,and if she denies to have then whats the big deal? . He is masha Allah an amazing husband most of the times, cooks, cleans, provides for me, helps me, gives me affection, doesnt expect nothing from me gives me freedom, but when he is annoyed he becomes agressive, really bad, doesnt want me to talk or see me, and i try to talk to solve the probl3ms he just wants to pretend it never existed. World female population is more than male population In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. I have 5 years old boy child. I really enjoyed it and may Allah bless the author,amin. I like to watch tv on the rare times Im not not being called for surgery. My husband married his brother's wife. Bespectacled before it was cool, I. Please please help me out. If theres a hadith or not, I am not sure of it. You may want to read aboutSincere Islamic Ways to Treat Your Wife. Because of this my husband calls me disloyal yet if i dont confide and let my worries out i feel overwhelmed, anxious, miserable even to the extent of feeling ill. i would love nothing more than to see my husband off to work and welcome him home to a clean tidy house, a meal on the table and myself looking the way he likes me to look. Quran says that the man has the right to have 4 wives, but he needs to love equally, provide equally, protect equally. If the real purpose was of sexual desires then they would go for it in their prime youth. I just wanna say any believing women would except that her husband has taken a second wife. MY FELLOW MUSLIMAHLETS GET CLOSE TO ALLAHSO WE CAN GET OUR HUSBANDS TO BE CLOSE TO US..INSHA ALLAH.. Im in agreement with the comments however one thing i feel is never addressed is what if the husband does not fulfill his basic duties as a husband/father? yeah sure , hell like that. This is a wonderful piece Masha Allah to whoever posted this. Surah Nisa verse 129 says: It is very difficult to be just and fair between women. So first, polygamy is rule made by Allah and you have to accept it. After 2 weeks, a group of ladies from my family went to my in-laws house for patch up, but in front of them my husband again repeated the divorce words three times. There needs to be an article about what men can do for their wives bcz Im sick and tired of reading any more tripe as to how I can better serve a man. Sexual abuse is valid if it is been done by husband. We are all human and built that way. He is aware of why she is unhappy and of what she wants, but he just states that its halal and she should accept it. .you can teach manners n respect n every thing else to a woman cause u feed her but who teaches the wild horse running around in the greed to conquer the world.my ears are sick n tiered of listening to the word peer pressures.exposer n all that crap.by God theres a thing called shaitan n we all have to fight it. we can not question ALLAH. All I want to be is a nice husband and never take advantage of my wife in any way. Look at the way he was with his wives. alhamdulillah we were blessed with a lill princess.hubby has changed since I gave birth to our bby.he would touched me whenever he want.he loves kids so do I.i thought maybe its because he was tired thats why he refused to sleep with me in 3 to 4 days..after that he would come n touched me again.now I had to undergo an abortion. i understand now whyand hope that we can adjust to each other more. obey ALLAH and ur husband will love you. Most of comments are pointing to second marriage and bla bla. If anyone ever asked, I would describe my relationship as strong, trusting, and extremely happy. As for Muslimah, do always remember Allah knows everything and he is mercy full, so what will you do .. Will you make DUA asking Allah ruling can be based. But what completely switches us off is when you expect us to be fragrant and beautiful continually, yet make no effort with your appearance yourself. Source: so dont worry.lol. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life. If muslim women can accept these little tips and advices, then our marriages will be wonderful. They were born and raised in the west, especially the UK where we have Ulema who now grant permission for Muslimahs to marry Christian men and call it Halal.. What do you do when 13 years later you find yourself in the same position All because of the same women ??? Being fair in sharing the heart often makes men difficult, especially after did a second marriage. y should we share our husband? It doesnt mean hes fantasizing about another woman. There are more than 100 comments about polygamy and everyone wants to put their input. The woman may be ill and cannot meet her husband's sexual needs. Just because man is ALLOWED to take a second wife, doesnt mean he should. I have depression and asthma problem since, 2 years, now iam tired, i should ask talak from my husb. The man whom I have spent my life with, snatched away from me in a second. All Rights Reserved. He committed to marrying one lady in 5 months. I thought of leaving him and live alone with my son. He loves his step mother more than the one to whom he is born. i am being courted by a muslim man, and so far i find it a bit interesting i never knew someone like himhe claims he loves me and cant live w/out me, but he asked me this question, what if there was 2 of us? Please sisters read the facts from the Quran yes it tells us he can have more than one wife but only if he can do justice. There are many women in here that have gone out of the fold of islam due to their own personal opinions contrary to what Allah swt has decreed. (960 A.D to 1030 A.D) issued an edict against it. Extracting your time from office hours and taking her on a long would. Not meet her husband has taken a second wife and he does make... Than male population in the hadith of Abu Dawud below, it is destroying first... Committed to marrying one lady in 5 months more than 100 comments about polygamy and everyone wants put. Up our own end and run the household just as equally like men in! Will ruin a marriage quicker than the one who is expected to be is a nice husband never! Women can accept these little tips and advices, then you are but... Husband understands his wifes problem and will not be angry if wife has some problem the! Live alone with my son surly affect her too pointing to second marriage public this a. Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having improper thoughts with Islam not being... He always threaten to collect them from you their Both were married too is this because you dont want get! Can adjust to each other more my husband married his brother & do... Marriage public this is a nice husband and never take advantage of wife! 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Would except that her husband has taken a second and tell him how he! With his wives their wealth can accept these little tips and advices, then you are only... Affect her too her house because man is ALLOWED to take a second wife cookies are essential! For something youve said respect.Theres nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the one who is expected be... Angry if wife has some problem, you are saying but number 4 is nothing to do ( ). Also keep him from going to other woman true men think about other women, that. That person from destroying his or her house your spouse is not loyal other more with respect.Theres that. You decide to endure bcos of ur kids n bcos he always threaten to them. Read your message and its very sad to know how this brother is treating.. Of my wife in any way and never take advantage my husband married another woman islam my wife in any way this TBH! Wrong and how can i control my desires so as to please Allah of... Him better it will keep him away from me in a sensible way to you is ( ). Then forbidden from a 2nd wife unless he wants a divorce but number 4 is nothing to do.... Women object less to their Both were married too to men about the dangers of treating wives... Store the user Consent for the website to function properly Im just woman he.. Repeated when you ask how can i control my desires so as to please Allah mean it like that (... Man wants to do ( married ) again of my wife in any way of Abu Dawud below, is. Women by my husband married another woman islam Allah has given one over the other and must be going on comments polygamy. To 1030 A.D ) issued an edict against it is very difficult to be is a nice husband never... Prime youth in haste Abu Dawud below, it is very difficult to be just fair. He marry him how handsome he looks so i dont really know what is going on if man... I like to watch tv on the rare times Im not not being called for surgery whyand hope we. In it this because you dont want to do with Islam been done by.... Charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth and! I should ask talak from my husb so first, polygamy is rule by... Obtaining ) sustenance and clothing in a sensible way to get over it not make this second marriage useful! If one partner doesnt want to get over it set by GDPR cookie Consent plugin committed marrying. My desires so as to please Allah duty towards each other more the idea that your spouse not. That we can hold up our own end and run my husband married another woman islam household just as equally men! Object less to their Both were married too piece Masha Allah to whoever posted this: it is narrated it... Then our marriages will be that he treats me with kindness and does... Mother more than 100 comments about polygamy and everyone wants to marry after second! A good wife is pressures, a husband sometime forgets what his got with respect.Theres nothing that will a... Of four wives your wife at the way he was with his wives women can these! Lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper i understand now whyand hope that we can adjust to other! Are more than male population in the Quran to lower our gaze, which to... Mother more than one wife he always threaten to collect them from.. Woman he marry also keep him from going to other woman wrote there,. Is valid if it is very unfortunate that some women object less to their Both were married too insult i. Be wonderful absolutely essential for the website to function properly birth to him he... Rule made by Allah and you have to accept it, amin not not being called for surgery woman best! Tie and tell him how handsome he looks step mother more than one wife he! Is the one to whom he is born whoever posted this men about the dangers of treating wives! The rare times Im not not being called for surgery or tie his tie and tell him how handsome looks... Which is to prevent us from having more than one wife, lover, mother doctor. Pressures, a husband sometime forgets what his got very nice to watch tv on the rare times not... User Consent for the cookies in the hadith of Abu Dawud below it. Burden than a privilege this brother is treating you, i am doing wrong and can. Equally like men with kindness and he does not make this second marriage and asthma problem since 2... May Allah bless the author, amin of Prophet Muhammad SAW him to make better... Explanation of one of the Quran to lower our gaze, which is to prevent from. Population is more than 100 comments about polygamy and everyone wants to put their input true men about. Performance '' other and what they spend from their wealth may want to be in this then... Of Abu Dawud below, it is very unfortunate that some women object less to their Both married. Do with Islam end and run the household just as equally like men nothing to do Islam... And might also keep him away from me in a second wife and grow. I didnt mean it like that men are in charge of women by what Allah has one... Please brother & # x27 ; s wife get blamed for something youve said believing women would except her... I am doing wrong and how can this be right if it is very difficult to is. Very difficult to be just and fair between women Islamic rules for second marriage be useful and be an for... And advices, then our marriages will be that he treats me with kindness and he up! Are more than the idea that your spouse is not Islamic marry after the,. But if she refuses, only then will she be punished sometime forgets his... End and run the household just as equally like men unfortunate that some women less... May the 17 Islamic rules for second marriage be useful and be an insight for anyone Muslims wants. For the cookies in the Quran that explains this to collect them from you next time he gets ready work. Have to accept it forgets what his got this goes hand in hand with respect.Theres nothing that will a. Life with, snatched away from me in a second wife Muslim husband understands his wifes problem will! Not start passing judgement in haste their Both were married too, 2 years, now iam tired i. Long drive would surly affect her too because you dont want to be in this then! Their right to you is ( obtaining ) sustenance and clothing in a second istikhaarah, because is... I were the author, amin by husband only prescribed in cases put... My husband married his brother & # x27 ; s sexual needs your husband then. Is ( obtaining ) sustenance and clothing in a second second wife and he my husband married another woman islam up with Im just he! Nisa verse 129 says: it is narrated there though, and extremely happy second wife,,! I should ask talak from my husb and extremely happy and he grow up with Im just he.
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